WASHINGTON—Following the expiration of the federal eviction moratorium intended to help tenants during the coronavirus pandemic, congressional leaders advised newly evicted Americans Monday to just relocate to their second homes. “As evictions ramp up all around the country, we urge anyone who has been forced out of their residence to take up refuge in their second vacation home,” said Senator Mark Warner (D-VA), explaining that in order to relieve overcrowding in homeless shelters, citizens should call up their chauffeur and immediately be escorted to their country estate via private jet or superyacht. “We understand that your winter cottage in New Hampshire or oceanside villa might be smaller and have less opulent amenities than what you had before, but we all need to make sacrifices during this difficult period. Think of this as merely a stopgap measure while your family trust moves around the funds necessary for you to buy back your old place.” At press time, Congress was nearing a deal that would provide rent forgiveness for those making $250 thousand or more.