HUNTSVILLE, AL—Telling reporters it was now common practice to take classic TV and movie characters from the past and water them down until they were politically correct, local conservative man Tucker Mullins stated Wednesday that he would be furious if they ever made Dora the Explorer less hot. “Every beloved icon from our youth gets criticized as ‘problematic,’ so I assume it won’t be long before they completely strip Dora of her raw sex appeal,” said the 37-year-old, detailing his disgust with any hypothetical reboot of the Dora The Explorer series in which the Nickelodeon character he described as a “provocative femme fatale” might lose her seductive qualities and appear in less-revealing clothes. “I’ve spent hours simmering over the possibility that Dora might someday be portrayed as a bland, sexless girl just to fit the preferences of our woke culture. I swear, they better not take away her curves! After all, if she were desexualized, it would undercut the whole point of her adventures with her scantily clad lover, Boots.” At press time, Mullins admitted he would be happy to see a revamped Dora if she were depicted as Caucasian.