Conservatives Explain Why They Oppose An AP African American History Course

“I’m really just in it for the regressive tax cuts and slashes to social safety nets, but this is good cover.”

“Gotta fill up 10 hours of content every week somehow.”

“Since neither party is remotely interested in pursuing policies that actually help Black people, Republicans have to do something to differentiate themselves.”

“I’m actually fine with AP African American history as long as it’s taught at the segregated school.”

“Who knows what that AP could stand for? It’s suspicious.”

“The only teacher at this school who isn’t overloaded with courses is the racist P.E. teacher. I figure it’s better to not have the class at all than let him control that narrative.”

“I’m banking on the idea that if we fail to learn from history, we’re doomed to repeat it.”

“It’s nothing against Black people. I oppose bettering oneself in all forms.”

“Look, we can’t be going around humanizing every race that thinks they’re something more than an animal, okay?”

“If I had learned a truthful and authentic account of Black history in high school, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today.”

“The course features James Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room, when we all know his classic is Go Tell It On The Mountain.”

“I am worried Black people have more history than me, and I don’t want to find out whether I’m right.”

“This is a key step in finally eliminating American history altogether.”

“And have to read a bunch of fucking admissions essays from white high school applicants about how taking an AP African American history class “opened their eyes to their own privilege”? Absolutely not.”

“Muhammad Ali was white, and I won’t hear anything different.”

“I oppose the interdisciplinary nature of courses like AP African American history that combine multiple fields of study like literature, political science, and geography, thereby forcing geography to share the spotlight with these lesser disciplines. I will not see students inculcated with some fractured and frankly offensive perspective that geography does not trump everything else! It’s geography or nothing, goddammit!”

“This is all part of the woke mob’s insistence on brainwashing the youth with things like ‘classes,’ ‘books,’ and ‘school.’”

“I don’t think kids should learn anything until college. And I also think they should skip college and go into a trade.”

“What’s next? AP History History?”

“It’s nothing more than an elaborate ruse to trick my kids into showing up to school in blackface.”

“Buy! Buy! Buy! Sell! Sell! Sell! Just kidding. We don’t really say that. Anyway, it’s because I am a member of an all-white secret society who wishes to remain in power.”

“All of our textbooks are required to have been published before the civil rights movement.”

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