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America's Finest News Source.

Controversial New Guidelines Says No Need To Cut Back On Red Meat

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A new set of guidelines published Monday in the Annals of Internal Medicine contradicts the widely held belief that cutting back on red and processed meat can be beneficial for an individual’s health, suggesting that they instead continue normal levels of consumption. What do you think?

“I could have been putting meat on my fruit this whole time?”

Clark Dixon • Experimental Botanist

“I knew that if I kept eating red meat long enough, I would either die or science would prove me right.”

Cara McCormick • Contract Terminator

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“Any kind of piquant rub I can put on that meat to make it even safer?”

Adam Odling • Coin Craftsman