Illustration for article titled Cop Confident He’ll Be Exonerated By Clear Video Evidence Of Him Shooting Defenseless Black Man

ORLANDO, FL—Optimistic that the footage would shield him from responsibility for any role in the victim’s death, local police officer Ruben McDermitt was reportedly confident Friday that he’d be exonerated by the clear video evidence of him shooting a defenseless black man. “Once they see the tape of me opening fire unprovoked on this innocent civilian, there’s no way I’ll be indicted,” said McDermitt, adding that while he was initially nervous about potentially being charged in the shooting of the unarmed African American, who was neither running away nor resisting arrest, he was instantly reassured upon realizing there was high-definition video showing him firing six rounds into the man’s chest as he held his hands up and begged for his life. “Given the fact that there’s crystal clear footage of me gunning down this individual in cold blood from several angles, let’s just say I can breathe a whole lot easier.” At press time, McDermitt was right.


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