Coronavirus Assumed White House Would Be Bigger In Person

Illustration for article titled Coronavirus Assumed White House Would Be Bigger In Person

WASHINGTON—Underwhelmed by the cramped bathrooms and overly crowded seating areas, sources close to the coronavirus confirmed Tuesday that it had always assumed the White House would be bigger in person. “When you think White House, you think of this grand place where the most powerful person in the world lives, but it’s actually kind of small and rinky dink,” said Auto Terra Filinia XFC, a strain of Covid-19, who revealed that touring the entire residential area of the White House and the West Wing took it less than an hour. “It’s just kind of underwhelming, I guess. I expected to feel all this majesty at the power of the American government, but it’s mostly just old. Even the security is lax, I was able to sneak into the East Room and even the Lincoln bedroom no problem.” The coronavirus did add that despite its disappointment with the building, the staff’s warmth and lack of social distancing had made it feel right at home.