Initially viewed by many as a merely multi-week problem early in 2020, the coronavirus continued to spread throughout 2021 as people everywhere struggled to adapt to a new normal. The Onion looks back at key moments in Covid’s 2021 trajectory.
February 22: U.S. coronavirus deaths exceed 500,000 in what would be looked back on as a high point of the pandemic.
February 27: Johnson & Johnson receives emergency use authorization from the FDA to further tarnish their reputation.
March 30: WHO concludes Covid-19 most likely spread to humans through ANIMAL, a top-secret government program.
April 30: Flickering moment of hope extinguished.
May 31: End of Paycheck Protection Program, which issued payments to hospitals, nonprofit organizations, and whichever huge companies pounced the fastest.
July 11: Con artist Frank “Dr. Anthony Fauci” Pfeiffer’s decades-long scam finally ends after he’s arrested trying to steal silverware from the White House.
August 21: FDA grants full approval to Pfizer vaccine, blindsiding anti-vaxxers who didn’t have a backup excuse prepared.
October 1: Push notification confirming 700,000th Covid death swiped away by 300 million Americans.
November 19: FDA recommends boosters for anyone who wants to see human existence through to bitter end.