NEW YORK—Citing an investigation into the employee’s work history and background, sources confirmed Tuesday that Cosmopolitan magazine fired their associate editor Alice Rowley after discovering that she lied on her résumé about having had sex. “On paper, we all thought Alice was a great fit for our publication; however, that turned out to be too good to be true when we discovered she had fabricated her sexual experience,” said hiring manager Katie Erickson, adding that Rowley’s glowing letters of recommendation from people she had allegedly slept with were exposed as fakes. “She ticked all of the boxes we were looking for in an associate editor, but we should have realized something wasn’t right when Alice claimed to have graduated from the University of Iowa with a Bachelor of Sex degree. She also had a number of vague descriptions, such as ‘working closely with an erect penis and the stuff that comes out the hole during vaginal intercourse.’ I really doubt that she actually took on a strong leadership role during gangbangs. While we were initially thrilled to work with Alice, we could no longer in good conscience keep her on staff after finding out that she did not ‘do it’ 100 times in a night.” Erickson admitted that the biggest red flag was in the special skills section of Rowley’s résumé, which listed a proficiency in sexual positions that included both “doggy and cat style.”

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