SEDALIA, MO—Explaining that the decision to do so would be completely selfish and cruel, local couple Aaron and Jill Shulevich told reporters Friday they were choosing not to have kids because they couldn’t fathom bringing a child into a world with so many Marvel movies. “The cinematic universe is increasing at an alarming rate, there’s no way to get rid of the films once they’re out there, and, to be honest, we’d rather not subject a kid to a future like that,” said Aaron Shulevich, adding that industry experts have known since the first Spider-Man animated television show in 1967 that Marvel movies were inevitable, but did not warn the public or take steps to prevent their negative impact across the globe. “Today’s children will never know a world in which movie theaters weren’t saturated with sequels, reboots, and spin-offs based on Iron Man, Captain America, Black Panther, or the Hulk. Maybe back 15 or 20 years ago, before the unchecked growth of the franchises, parenthood is something we might have considered. But now, with three Ant-Man films in existence and yet another Fantastic Four remake in the works, having kids just isn’t an option for us.” Shulevich added that he feels incredibly sorry for his peers who choose to become parents and will one day have the difficult job of explaining Chris Pratt to their children.
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