WASHINGTON—Returning from vacation appearing more relaxed than he had in months, creatively recharged Fox News host Tucker Carlson told reporters Tuesday that he had come up with a week’s worth of show ideas after a Hispanic cashier gave him the wrong change. “I’m really glad I switched up my routine, because you never know when some lazy, uneducated Hispanic teenager tries stealing from you by giving you a single instead of a ten back and inspiration will strike,” said a tanned, smiling Carlson, adding that the experience immediately gave him the idea to spend at least a week criticizing immigrants for taking over the country and being ungrateful for the jobs America is providing them. “Those last couple weeks before my vacation, I felt like I was really phoning it in creatively. You can only do many episodes about how Ilhan Omar is leading a cabal of minorities to install Black supremacy in the country before it begins to feel a bit stale, you know? But then that Hispanic cashier tried to stiff me and didn’t apologize well enough for my liking, and then I heard him speaking Spanish to a coworker as I was leaving—it was like a light bulb went off. The creative juices started flowing, and before I knew it, I had a solid several hours of attacking immigrants for invading our country and uprooting traditional American values. I feel like the old Tucker Carlson again.” Carlson added that although he did feel creatively rejuvenated, one aspect of returning to work he wasn’t looking forward to having to send a bunch of hate emails.
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