LINCOLN, NE—Repeatedly drawing attention to the narrow area’s ease of access and “incredible potential,” sources confirmed Thursday that a particularly creepy local real estate listing was going far out of its way to talk up the size of an available home’s crawlspaces. “All-new wood floors in this charming Dutch Colonial, along with spacious, completely empty crawlspace that runs along entire base of home—rare vintage gem with ample crawlspace room to meet your needs,” read the eerie posting, which in addition to measuring the home’s square footage both with and without the crawlspaces factored in, also featured several high-resolution images of the crawlspace below the lower floor with captions such as “great space” and “very big.” “Perfect starter home featuring updated appliances, 80-foot lot, and untouched crawlspaces. Priced to move. Crawlspace access doors easily hidden from view.” At press time, sources reported that the unsettling listing had received an alarmingly high number of inquiries mere minutes after being published.

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