Crush On Williams-Sonoma Employee Costing Man A Fortune

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SCHAUMBURG, IL—According to Woodfield Mall patron Thomas Hill, his growing infatuation with Williams-Sonoma employee Kelly Petersen has thrown him into a massive $27,000 debt, forcing the high school teacher to sell his car and take on a part-time job at a local restaurant in order to support his habit of conversing with Petersen about the store's high-end cookware. "I'll never forget the first time I saw her reflection in that $429 DeLonghi stainless-steel convection oven," said Hill, who recently applied for six new credit cards and is completing paperwork for a second mortgage. "I finally built up the courage to talk to her the other day when I asked her how much this Oxo mango peeler cost. It cost $12." Hill added that he would like to invite her to come to his place for dinner, but he hates cooking.