Crying Eric Trump Asks Father If They Poor Now

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WASHINGTON—Following Donald Trump’s defeat in the 2020 presidential election, a crying Eric Trump reportedly asked his father Friday if they were poor now. “Daddy, I’m scared. Are we all out of money now that you’re not president no more?” asked Eric, 36, wiping away tears and snot from his face as he struggled to shatter his Minecraft piggy bank. “I have six paper money and a whole handful of these metal circles, hopefully that can help. Do me and Don Jr. have to get jobs now? I don’t want to be poor and smelly, but I don’t even know how to work. Being rich was the best ever and I don’t want it to stop.” At press time, a famished Eric Trump was sobbing while attempting to cut a leather shoe with a knife and fork.