LOUISVILLE, KY—Baffling fast food consumers nationwide by implicating the diners themselves in some unknown but vaguely fishery-related practice, seafood chain Long John Silver’s launched a new nationwide ad campaign Tuesday featuring the cryptic tagline “You Are The Bait Now.” “I’ve seen a commercial that was nothing more than a tracking shot of a guy walking down a dark alleyway with no context whatsoever. I don’t know what they were going for, but they certainly didn’t mention any seafood,” said local computer technician Megan Berger, who also recalled seeing a billboard of a woman sitting alone in a dimly lit restaurant, light gleaming dully from her moist and hooded eyes. “I figured they’d eventually offer me a deal on a fish combo or something, but it just faded to black while a menacing voice-over said ‘while supplies last.’” Representatives from Long John Silver’s have thus far declined to comment when asked about the ads or the ingredients of their new hand-battered three-piece family.

Advertisement