CLEVELAND—Sitting stock-still and staring into the middle distance while the hairdresser outlined his sexual inclinations toward assorted famous women, local customer Peter Sargent reportedly listened silently Tuesday as his barber Greg Tarlton listed all the actresses he’d have sex with. “Oh, yeah, that Megan Fox is stacked, you ever get a load of her in Transformers? I’d totally do her,” said the barber, who continued to disclose unsolicited information about which starlets and female musicians he would have sexual intercourse with despite a lack of any affirmative response from his customer outside of a quiet “uh-huh.” “Definitely Jennifer Lawrence. And Mila Kunis. Selena Gomez. I’m trying to think who else. Oh, yeah, I’d still bang that Alyssa Milano, even though she’s getting on the older side. All right, how’s that look?” At press time, Sargent had reportedly paid, said “great haircut,” and rushed out the door without making eye contact.