Dad Asks If They Still Make Cocaine

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CINCINNATI—Suddenly expressing a curiosity about the recreational stimulant he had enjoyed as a young adult, local man Terry Coburn, 58, reportedly asked his daughter this week if they still made cocaine. “Oh man, there used to be this stuff that was amazing, what was it called? Oh yeah, cocaine! Do they still make that?” said Coburn, adding that it had probably been 30 years since he had last seen cocaine, let alone sought it out, but that he certainly wouldn’t turn it down if someone were to offer it to him now. “It was all the rage in my day, especially in the ’80s. Your mom and I went nuts for it! Do you remember cocaine at all? It was this white powdery stuff, though later on we started getting some that looked like these little chunks of rock. Maybe you were too young. I’d love to try it again, for old times’ sake. If you can still get it, that is. Can you get it?” At press time, Coburn had stated that there might still be some around the house somewhere and he would be out checking the garage.