ORLANDO, FL—Stressing that the experience with the costumed mascot was a “total racket,” local dad Simon Marshall couldn’t believe this week how much Disney World was charging for sex with Goofy. “For a family of five, the amount Disney is asking to plug all Goofy’s holes is borderline extortion,” said Marshall, explaining that when he used to come to the park with his parents in the ’90s, they would be able to attend an orgy with all the princesses for the same price. “I can’t believe we waited in line for hours just to get a lame, half-hearted handjob from Goofy. It lasted less than 30 seconds. And afterwards, they had the nerve to charge for a picture. Hopefully R2D2 will be better.” At press time, an annoyed Marshall pulled out his wallet after his family asked if they could ride Goofy again.
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