WEST YELLOWSTONE, MT—Squinting to make out the small text on the sign before him, local father Brian Chamberlin was reportedly explaining the geologic concept of geysers to his family Wednesday as if he was not reading straight from the National Park’s wayside exhibit. “Geysers, like the one you have here, are an incredible geologic phenomena that occur when water and steam erupt from below the Earth’s surface,” said Chamberlin, who read nearly word for word from the panel placed in plain view of his wife and two sons without displaying so much as a hint of shame. “This geyser is just one of more than 500 you can find within Yellowstone National Park. Geysers are also home to microscopic creatures called thermophiles, though we cannot see them with our naked eye. Did you know thermophiles are what give geysers and hot springs their signature colors?” At press time, Chamberlin was too caught up in the midst of explaining mineral deposits to notice his entire family had drifted away.