TACOMA, WA—Intermittently shifting his gaze between his opponent and the product brochure in his hands as he shrewdly calculated his next move, local father Thomas McCabe became locked into an intricate chess match Thursday with riding lawn mower salesman Keith Porter, family sources reported. “So, with the standard warranty, that’s really as low as you can go, huh? Might just stick with a push-mower in that case,” said the veritable Bobby Fischer, thinking several steps ahead in the sales process by preemptively eschewing Porter’s offer of a complimentary blade attachment in a bold gambit intended to put his formidable challenger on the defensive and leave him scrambling to concede home delivery free of charge. “What about the mulch kit—you’re telling me you can’t include that? Well, I might just have to sleep on it, or see what the Greenery Depot is offering.” At press time, sources confirmed the grandmaster was closing in on a checkmate by offhandedly inquiring about the store’s competitor price-match policy.

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