SEATTLE—Calling it the most debauched correspondence that had ever been submitted to “Savage Love,” advice columnist Dan Savage was disgusted Monday by a letter from a perverted reader contemplating oral sex. “Over the course of my 20-plus years writing this column, I’ve helped people with some pretty heinous problems, but you, sir, are a disgusting sicko. I try my best to never kink shame, but this oral fixation of yours is no kink—this is just flat-out wrong,” wrote Savage in a 5,000-word response to the letter, recommending the reader seek immediate sterilization and questioning “where the fuck did you even get this vile idea?” “How would that even work? The mechanics of it are mind-boggling, because your mouth only has room for your teeth and your tongue. You put food in your mouth, not genitals. Honestly, I was dry heaving after the first sentence. This letter shook me to my core.” Savage concluded his column by issuing a public resignation and committing to a vow of celibacy.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter