Daring Legal Strategy: Tim Sweeney Is Threatening To Hold His Breath Until The Judge Rules In Epic Games’ Favor

Illustration for article titled Daring Legal Strategy: Tim Sweeney Is Threatening To Hold His Breath Until The Judge Rules In Epic Games’ Favor

Ever since Apple’s decision to boot multiplayer smash-hit Fortnite from the App Store, mobile gamers everywhere have been missing out on one of the best battle royale experience out there. But a new development in the ongoing legal fight between the Unreal Engine’s creator and the Tim Cook-led tech juggernaut might just push the lawsuit in the right direction for gamers everywhere! In a brilliant legal strategy, Epic Games CEO Tim Sweeney just threatened to hold his breath until the judge rules in his favor and restores the app to its rightful place.

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Gamers, this is for real—Sweeney’s face is turned pretty red, and it doesn’t look like he’s kidding!

Wow, what’s most cunning about this legal maneuver is that by puffing up his cheeks and sitting there in court with his fists clenched and shaking, Sweeney is essentially betting that either the judge or Apple itself will blink first. It doesn’t sound like he’s going to back down either, because before he started, Sweeney told the judge that he has done this once before at his cousin’s house and he almost died.

And so far? It looks like this brilliant gambit is working. Although the courtroom initially laughed off the legal tactic, the entire proceeding has been thrown into outright chaos as Sweeney’s face turned from red to a deep purple. Even the Apple lawyer reportedly jumped to his feet, shouted “This is guy is loco!” and begged the judge to do something quick before Sweeney suffered brain damage or worse.

Exciting stuff, folks! All of this means we might be mere days away from a settlement that gives everyone with an iPhone another crack at jumping into the shoes of Peely in a pulse-pounding 100-person battle or checking out a musical extravaganza like Travis Scott’s Astroworld event! And if it works out, we all need to give a hearty thanks to Tim Sweeney for his brilliant decision to put his life on the line in the ongoing quest for gaming greatness.