WASHINGTON—Accusing the media of reading too far into the many signs featuring the flavored tortilla chips that are now installed in the park, acting United States secretary of the interior David Bernhardt categorically denied that business interests had influenced Yellowstone National Park’s name change to Frito Lay Presents Doritos Flamin’ Hot Nacho National Park. “I guarantee that as the head of all national parks in this country, no amount of personal donations went into the newly renamed Jacked Ranch Dipped Hot Wings Geyser or Kickin’ Spicy White Cheddar Cheese Trail Supreme,” said Bernhardt, emphasizing that those names were in the works far before he took the position, and that many of the park’s most famous natural features, including the Mountain Dew Code Red River, had borne their traditional names for decades. “This was an interdepartmental decision made with total separation from any concern for corporate consideration in good faith by the Senate Frito-Lay Subcommittee and the U.S. Department of Snacking on Public Lands. If anyone has any further problems, they can feel free to take it up with Yellowstone’s new park superintendent [PepsiCo vice president for marketing and branding] Todd Kaplan.” In addition to questions of corporate influence, Bernhardt has come under fire recently for neglecting public safety after a Doritos Blazin’ Buffalo gored two hikers.
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