TUSCALOOSA, AL—As he shook his head and chuckled to himself at how small a world it was, sources reported Tuesday that local deadbeat dad Clayton Fowler had walked out on so many women and the children he fathered with them that he had accidentally abandoned his way back to his original family. “Ha, what do you know? I thought your mother looked familiar when I picked her up at the bar,” said the father of an unknown number of children, appearing greatly amused at the coincidence of having deserted the most recent of his families only to be reunited with the now-teenage son and daughter he left behind over a decade ago. “This is quite the mix-up for your old dad! I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later, though.” Fowler went on to tell the children that his timing couldn’t be better, as he happened at that moment to be in very bad need of a new kidney.
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