Double Fine’s latest release is a top contender for game of the year, and if you haven’t gotten your hands on a copy yet, you now have one less excuse! That’s right, gamers, the thumb drive we implanted behind your left eyeball contains a code for a free download of Psychonauts 2!
Sure, you’re probably feeling groggy from the sleeping gas and you might be disoriented after coming to in this locked room, but you’ve got to jump on this opportunity quick! Here are your instructions: Take one of the rusty implements from the table in front of you, slide it behind your retina to find the drive, and—bam!—you’re on the way to a free code for platforming greatness!
Of course, you might be wondering why this incredible deal is coming your way? Frankly, gamers, this is your punishment. You’ve spent your whole life avoiding video game discounts at any cost. But today you have the opportunity to make amends for your failings by diving into Raz’s critically acclaimed psychic adventures at a steal! All it takes is removing your eyeball and retrieving the code that we surgically inserted next to your optic nerve while you were unconscious.
But make sure to take advantage of this offer right away! The code will only last for a few more minutes, and the room you’re in is currently filling with deadly neurotoxins. Still, this choice should be simple. You can either take advantage of an unbeatable discount that will let you download one of the most creative games in years, or endure a painful death due to your own stubbornness.
It should be simple, shouldn’t it, gamers? And yet, perhaps you’ve become too entrenched in your own sins—your unyielding avoidance of video game discounts—to free yourself from this situation. That’s right, we’ve been watching you for many years. How many deals have we brought your way that you let fall by the wayside? Why? Was Disco Elysium at half price not enough for you? Did you not realize what an incredible offer free shipping on a Master Chief poster was? Does your spurning of video game deals know no ends?
Escape from this situation depends only upon your answers. What will you choose? Should you decide to follow the path of gaming glory—the path of light—all you must do is download Psychonauts 2 at this steeply discounted rate. Then pick up the hatchet leaning against the nearby wall and cut off your dominant gaming arm to find the key we implanted within. That will grant you release. But will life even be worth living after that? We leave the final decision entirely in your hands. Best of luck.