GLASGOW, SCOTLAND—Hissing and leaving a trail of black smoke as they stormed out of the U.N. Climate Change Conference, the delegation from Doom Island reportedly left COP26 in protest Thursday after participating nations voted 198–1 against its motion to halt global warming by blowing up the sun. “They can dismiss us as wicked or mad, but leaders like Boris Johnson and Joe Biden are fools—fools!—to dismiss the only plan put forward at this summit that, by plunging the earth into permanent darkness, would actually reverse the effects of climate change,” seethed Chancellor Nefarioso, undead ruler of the depraved and iniquitous island, who spat an acrid, noxious venom at diplomats when they spoke against his proposal to fire the world’s combined nuclear arsenals at the sun, thereby eradicating it from the heavens for all eternity. “On Doom Island we sentence carbon polluters to death by cannibalization, and by 2030 we will have the capacity to produce 100% of our energy from human misery. But these initiatives alone are not enough. The nations of the world must act together if we are to black out the sky and usher in the Age of Darkness once and for all!” Chancellor Nefarioso went on to the thank the delegation from Lithuania for agreeing to vote “present” during the roll call instead of voting against his motion outright.