Democrats Explain Why They Support Joe Manchin

A controversial figure among Democrats, Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) has relentlessly blocked popular pieces of legislation from passing through the Senate. The Onion asked several Democrats why they still support him, and this is what they said.

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2 / 23

Loren Pullman (Receptionist)

“His name is in the news so often he must be doing something right.”

3 / 23

Harold Jesper (Graphic Designer)

“He had the little ‘D’ next to his name.”

4 / 23

Chuck Schumer (U.S. Senator)

“He’s the only thing stopping us from facing the terrifying prospect of having to enact our agenda.”

5 / 23

Rick Halpern (Oil and Gas Lobbyist)

“He’s pretty affordable.”

6 / 23

Wilford Guerrero (Diagnostic Medical Sonographer)

“Democracy relies on voices brave enough to stand up against the needs and wishes of the vast majority of the population.”

7 / 23

Amy Chen (Retired)

“I also hate my grandkids.”

8 / 23

Lillian Powell (Retired Nurse)

“I’d rather die than reach the day I have to pay higher prices to finance green energy, and with Joe Manchin, I will.”

9 / 23

Danielle Bentz (Teacher)

“He’s rich, which is frankly enough for me.”

10 / 23

Hanes Underwood (Machinist)

“He said if I didn’t support him, he’d stymie my agenda as well.”

11 / 23

Chloe Greenberg (Kindergartner)

“Every night I wake up screaming from a nightmare in which my generation inherits the country’s explosive national debt, and the only thing that lulls me back to sleep is knowing Sen. Manchin won’t let that happen.”

12 / 23

Kyrsten Sinema (Senator)

“He usually takes the heat off my equally awful behavior.”

13 / 23

Dianne Feinstein (Senator)

“Who?”

14 / 23

Ned Miller (Quarry Manager)

“In West Virginia, anyone who hasn’t actively committed a hate crime is actually considered a socialist.”

15 / 23

Gary Kenzie (Chef)

“I appreciate Manchin’s loyalty to himself.”

16 / 23

Maya Kaiser (Barista)

“Having the entire legislative process held hostage by a single capricious senator from a state with the 39th-largest population is all part of the plan.”

17 / 23

Reinaldo Gonzalez (Chef)

“I recognize him from TV.”

18 / 23

Mary Bernard (Registered Nurse)

“If the oil, gas, and coal lobbies trust the man with millions of dollars in donations every single year, who am I to doubt him?”

19 / 23

Nathanael Day (Referee)

“Someone needs to stand up for the little guy against voting rights, healthcare reform, minimum-wage increases, marriage equality, education funding, bank regulation, and the Democratic Party as a whole.”

20 / 23

Nancy Pelosi (House Speaker)

“We have the same pharma lobbyist.”

21 / 23

Henry Harrison (Construction Worker)

“Everyone deserves a six-year chance to destroy the country.”

22 / 23

Millie Ramsey (Stenographer)

“I was told blue no matter who.”