Democrats Explain Why They Support Joe Manchin

“His name is in the news so often he must be doing something right.”

“He had the little ‘D’ next to his name.”

“He’s the only thing stopping us from facing the terrifying prospect of having to enact our agenda.”

“He’s pretty affordable.”

“Democracy relies on voices brave enough to stand up against the needs and wishes of the vast majority of the population.”

“I also hate my grandkids.”

“I’d rather die than reach the day I have to pay higher prices to finance green energy, and with Joe Manchin, I will.”

“He’s rich, which is frankly enough for me.”

“He said if I didn’t support him, he’d stymie my agenda as well.”

“Every night I wake up screaming from a nightmare in which my generation inherits the country’s explosive national debt, and the only thing that lulls me back to sleep is knowing Sen. Manchin won’t let that happen.”

“He usually takes the heat off my equally awful behavior.”

“Who?”

“In West Virginia, anyone who hasn’t actively committed a hate crime is actually considered a socialist.”

“I appreciate Manchin’s loyalty to himself.”

“Having the entire legislative process held hostage by a single capricious senator from a state with the 39th-largest population is all part of the plan.”

“I recognize him from TV.”

“If the oil, gas, and coal lobbies trust the man with millions of dollars in donations every single year, who am I to doubt him?”

“Someone needs to stand up for the little guy against voting rights, healthcare reform, minimum-wage increases, marriage equality, education funding, bank regulation, and the Democratic Party as a whole.”

“We have the same pharma lobbyist.”

“Everyone deserves a six-year chance to destroy the country.”

“I was told blue no matter who.”