Illustration for article titled Department Of Interior To Control Rising Mole Population By Releasing Mallets Into National Parksem/em

WASHINGTON—In an effort to curb the skyrocketing mole populations, officials at the U.S. Department of the Interior introduced a new federal program Friday that would release thousands of mallets into national parks. “Introducing mallets into our parks and forest preserves is one of the easiest and most effective ways to keep rising mole populations from damaging our precious ecosystems,” said Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke, noting that a single North American wood mallet—known for their long handles and distinctive “donk” sound—can smash hundreds of moles per day, causing their dead bodies to immediately descend back into their burrows. “What critics of this plan don’t understand is that three to five moles are often emerging from their holes at a time. It’s a frankly overwhelming rate for park rangers.” Zinke also touted the secondary benefits of adding thousands of potential tickets that could be exchanged for prizes in the American wilderness.

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