‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is. “Following a thorough review of every occupation cataloged by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, we found that your job and yours alone exceeds all others as the most professionally strenuous and personally taxing choice of career, which creates levels of stress far beyond the comprehension of any friend or family member,” said Secretary of Labor Thomas Perez, who noted that while your career may share certain similarities with those of siblings, roommates, or acquaintances, none of their complaints about fatigue or anxiety remotely measure up to yours given the extreme complexity and difficulty of your particular profession. “According to measures of effort exerted, skills required, tightness of deadlines, and importance of responsibilities, it is clear that your specific position and job title come with the most professional challenges in the nation. Though people close to you may try to sympathize, data shows that no amount of explanation or reasoning will allow them to recognize how profoundly grueling your day-to-day work truly is.” Perez added that those who encourage you not to check your work email on nights or weekends are simple-minded individuals with easy, mentally undemanding occupations who are fundamentally incapable of ever fathoming how important and consequential the tasks of your job are.

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