Department Of Transportation Announces $1 Billion Investment In Horses

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WASHINGTON—Calling the venture the first step in a sweeping plan to transform the nation’s infrastructure, the U.S. Department of Transportation announced Wednesday a $1 billion investment in horses. “Horses can walk on all types of terrains, which is great because it means we won’t need roads,” said Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg, who announced an additional $250 million investment in carrots and sugar cubes that Americans could feed the horses out of the palms of their hands. “This is a long-overdue investment in Appaloosas, Thoroughbreds, Mustangs, and yes, Arabian horses, too. And this isn’t just an investment in America’s horses. This is an investment in Americans, as we anticipate the creation of over 10,000 jobs in mane grooming, cleaning tack, and mucking out stalls. Soon, America will have the strongest fleet of horses in the world. Plus, they’re so gorgeous. Just look at them.” At press time, the department was embroiled in a scandal after all of the horses got spooked and ran away.