'Depot Buys Max,' Nation's Office-Supply-Loving Teens Text Frantically To One Another

Illustration for article titled Depot Buys Max, Nations Office-Supply-Loving Teens Text Frantically To One Another

NEW YORK—Wholesale office supply mania once again captured the fevered imaginations of the nation’s teenagers Wednesday as industry juggernaut Office Depot announced plans to purchase competitor OfficeMax in an all-stock deal worth $1.2 billion. “Yo, Depot bought the Max?! This is going 2 change everything,” self-professed office supply nut Tara Wilson, 17, texted to friends as she, like millions of American teens just like her, eagerly searched industry news sites for more details on the upcoming merger. “U said big-box retail wuz moving online?? Walmart+Amazon r going 2 B totally fucked.” Though scores of young office supply fans nationwide were reportedly enthused by reports of the new chain retailer, millions of other teenage sources have expressed their brand loyalty by posting the phrase “Stapz 4 lyfe” on Facebook and Twitter.

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