NASHVILLE, TN—Determined not to let a lack of available substances prevent him from executing an inmate on death row, desperate Tennessee judge Gary Hargreave was reportedly making lethal-injection drugs in a courthouse toilet Friday. “It’s not ideal, but we’re going to execute that guy one way or another,” said Hargreave, who was seen in a men’s room stall mixing together items swiped from courthouse vending machines and a nearby convenience store in an effort to devise a combination of ingredients that could prove fatal to the prisoner whose execution had been delayed. “You’ve got to give it time to ferment; otherwise, it’s not going to be strong enough to kill the guy. I don’t want to make something that’s going to put him in a coma. Ideally, it will be strong enough to stop his heart several times over. The governor’s making some in his toilet, too, so we’re probably going to administer both to the prisoner and see which one works. I just hope it’ll become strong enough before someone catches me.” At press time, the shaking, sweat-drenched judge was overheard telling a courthouse security guard that he could pay good money if the man was able to smuggle him in some sodium thiopental to satisfy his fix.