The White House on Wednesday unveiled its plan to give 28 million U.S. children vaccinations against Covid-19. The Onion looks at the key details of Biden’s child vaccination plan.
- Start with the popular kids and assume the rest will fall in line.
- Vaccine molecules designed in fun animal shapes.
- Federal pizza party for fourth-grade class with highest vaccination rate.
- Requiring vaccinations for children who work full-time at companies with more than 100 employees.
- Educational collaborations with distinguished epidemiologists kids trust.
- Every mall Santa will be disguised vaccine-wielding nurse.
- $20 million program to counteract playground misinformation.
- Explain to kids it’s no different than any other painful shot a doctor gives them.
- Recruit dozens of TikTok stars to cyberbully kids into getting vaccinated.