Beginning this week, the City of Detroit will shut the doors of its police stations to the public for 16 hours a day. Here are other ways the cash-strapped city is saving money:
- Replacing the east side’s 11 functional streetlights with compact fluorescent bulbs
- Emergency response subcontracted to former Motown session musicians
- City now leaving all its trash outside Cleveland for pickup
- 911 will secretly change its number to 912 to lighten call volume for the dispatchers
- Food bank will now be stocked solely with octopuses collected from the rink during Red Wings playoff games
- Only one homicide to be reported per day, via lottery system
- Fourth of July fireworks just dumb kid popping red paper bag
- $100 Symbolism Exploitation Fee on all tourists photographing urban decay
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