Discounted Fireworks Savings Put Toward Funeral Expenses

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CHICAGO—Expressing relief that they had financially prepared for the unforeseen accident, family sources confirmed Wednesday that the money they saved on discounted fireworks were put directly toward the funeral expenses of Chase McKay. “Luckily, Chase bought those Roman candles at wholesale prices, so we can afford a nice casket for him,” said Mckay’s youngest sister, Jessica, delighting over the family’s 50% savings on industrial-grade Black Cat fireworks. “The money we banked on variety packs alone helped us spring for catering. We even got a special priest who specializes in firework accidents. I’m so glad we decided to cross state lines to stock up, otherwise there’s no way we could bear the expense of Chase’s black granite headstone.” At press time, the McKay family ended the funeral ceremony by lighting off some of Chase’s favorite fireworks.