Disgusting Things Every New Parent Immediately Gets Used To

If motherhood is supposed to be the most beautiful experience in the world, then why is there so much piss, shit, and vomit? Here are the most disgusting things every new parent immediately gets used to.

Diapers

If you think these are gross, just wait until they start to be filled up with piss and shit.

Nudity

As hard as you might try not to, eventually it will feel normal to see your baby naked.

The Shit Man

Every new parent has to make peace with this unwelcome visitor that ensures a baby’s healthy bowel movement once a day.

Oedipal Complex

It’s understandable, but everyone is initially put off by their newborn’s desire to usurp their father and sleep with their mother.

Larval Sacs

We all know we should clean up the tens of thousands of larval sacs that are discarded when our brood hatch, but who has the time?

The Pediatrician’s Tie

It’s a nauseating onslaught of shapes and patterns, so avert your baby’s eyes as soon as they walk into the exam room.

Cigarette Smoke

Like it or not, a robust, brassy Marlboro is the only thing that can put a baby down for the night.

Their Baby Not Being Baptized

Parents are horrified to know their unbaptized baby’s sins cannot be forgiven and when they die their soul will go directly to hell.

Puréed Ribeye Steak

It’s not exactly appetizing, but there’s no other way to get their daily recommended amount of raw red meat into a baby bottle.

Temporary Extra Anus

Doesn’t excrete all that much and often recedes into the chin as a dimple within a year.

Hairballs

No matter how much medication you give them, babies will find a way to climb up and cough a sticky clump of their own fur right onto your bed.

Digging Through Trash

Unfortunately, this will be your first thought when the baby goes missing.

Lewd T-Shirts

It’s gross, but babies don’t learn until twomonths that no one likes their “Shit Factory” onesie.

Appetite For Rats

Once they smell one in the yard, they’ll decapitate it and drop it at your feet as a present.

Blood

Kids are full of blood, and it’s notoriously difficult to keep it from spilling out.

Baby Sounds

It may take some time to get used to their repulsive babbling, but like any successful parent, you just learn to tune every noise they make out.

The Frailty Of The Human Body

The constant knowledge that anything could bring us to our untimely demise is absolutely disgusting.

The Exhausted Look On Your Partner’s Face

That is not the face you married.