After months of repeated attacks from Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida, The Onion asked Disney World employees how they felt about it, and this is what they said.
Advertisement
“I’ve heard ‘It’s A Small World’ 74,849 times, so I can handle pretty much anything.”
Advertisement
“Luckily, I don’t have to worry about it anymore because I’m getting laid off.”
Advertisement
“No! Don’t show my face out of character! They’ll kill me!”
Advertisement
“Without it, I wouldn’t have gotten my job back and gotten to do the thing I love the most: firing people! So I can’t thank him enough!”
Advertisement
“The Mouse has raised a glistening kingdom from the swamp and commands an empire on which the sun never sets. What can an upjumped tax collector say to the legions of the Mouse? We hear but a breeze.”
Advertisement
“He’s a fool to forget who really chooses the next president.”
Advertisement
“If only he knew cis kids and trans kids all puke funnel cake the same.”
Advertisement
“This is already the most miserable, joyless place on earth, so I don’t see how he could possibly make it any worse.”
Advertisement
“I’m actually nervous about provoking a guy who might run for president but is probably gonna peter out embarrassingly.”
Advertisement
“Come for me, DeSantis. I will drink your blood and bathe in your children’s fear.”
Advertisement
“Governor DeSantis’ actions are an obvious overreach of executive power and a clear sign that the GOP has abandoned its principles of small government and noninterference in business, HYUCK, HYUCK!”
Advertisement
“Someone seems bitter they didn’t get into the Disney College Program.”
Advertisement
“Feuding with the happiest place on earth is an embarrassingly unimaginative means of establishing yourself as a villain.”
Advertisement
“Eee-eee-eeeeeee-ee.”
Advertisement
“Surely, there’s a powerless minority group he can persecute instead.”
Advertisement
“I don’t see how he can call us woke with our rich history of antisemitism.”
Advertisement
“I invite Ron to meet me in the sewers so we can settle this like men.”
Advertisement