DMT Researchers Advise Maintaining 6-Foot Distance From Own Body

Illustration for article titled DMT Researchers Advise Maintaining 6-Foot Distance From Own Body

SANTA CRUZ, CA—As part of an effort to help reduce the spread of Covid-19, scientists who conduct research into DMT at the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies have advised members of the public to maintain an interval of at least 6 feet from their own body. “Now more than ever, it is imperative for citizens to keep a safe distance from their corporeal forms, as the novel coronavirus is highly contagious within the bounds of a physical reality,” MAPS researcher Bill Tasker told reporters Tuesday as he demonstrated the proper way to wash one’s astral hands for at least 20 infinities and urged people to wipe down all contaminated celestial planes, upon which the virus can reportedly transcend any perceived notions of time. “If you find yourself floating in the ether, suddenly grasping the illusory nature of the self, and how you’re so, so small, but you are also everything—the stars, the planets, the cosmos, holy shit, everything—that’s when it is vital to observe the self-distancing measures that can help stem the spread of this disease. Without your help flattening the curve, you are at risk of infection and possibly even ego death.” Tasker went on to describe a method by which people could potentially manifest N95 respirator masks out of pure energy.