I decided to let my corn dog digest while taking in the majestic Pepsi Cola Center last night and let me tell you, there was a lot of commotion. It was very confusing as to who was who, but a few people caught my eye:

MARRIED TO THE MOB (OF DEMOCRATS, THAT IS!)

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Talented young actor Matthew Modine was on hand to lift the spirits of conventiongoers. I'm sure no one at "the Con" last night could have spotted him without having their own "Vision Quest"—remembering him for that inspiring role that put him on the map of America's Heart. Again, it's been some time since I've seen the film, but I recall a wrestler who wouldn't give up and also got to sleep with a beautiful lady. As a political commentator, I can tell you that that is just the kind of spirit the Democrats need in this election. Yes, his presence may just be what it takes to put the party of the Donkey over the top in November.

ALOHA!

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Speaking of "Spirit," this group's got a luau full of it! I've never been to Hawaii (too many diseases on those islands) but I always thought it was a smart bet for America to capture their land and call it our own. Just think of all the Polynesian people have contributed to our rich heritage: Pineapples, Hawaiian Punch, and those delicious potato chips they have at the grocery stores these days. Also, Steve McGarrett was a fine officer—we could use some men like him right here on the mainland in the Age of Terrorism.

DEVIL EYES

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This woman stood out in the crowd. Something in her eyes reminded me of…evil. I hate to jump to conclusions, but I just knew there were a lot of gears spinning inside that blond-coiffed head—and that could mean bad things for the state of New York (the section she was sitting in). I hope I'm wrong, because the "Big Apple" has had its fair share of bites taken out of it over the years, and they could use a break. I think I'll write a letter of warning to Mike Bloomberg, if I'm able to remember when this whole shebang is over. He's a sensible guy and should know how to handle it. Like they say on the isle of Manhattan, "If you see something, SAY something!"

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