Doctor Watches In Horror As Polyp Skitters In Front Of Colonoscopy Camera Just As Screen Goes Black

Illustration for article titled Doctor Watches In Horror As Polyp Skitters In Front Of Colonoscopy Camera Just As Screen Goes Black

BALTIMORE—Slowly zooming in on the precancerous growth while it hissed and screeched, local gastroenterologist Gary Weiss reportedly watched in horror Friday as a polyp skittered in front of the colonoscopy camera just as the screen went black. “What in God’s name? That can’t be possible,” Weiss said to his medical team as he slowly pushed back from the blank monitor, the terror on his face visible even before a large nodular bulge appeared on the patient’s abdomen and began to pulsate, emitting a piercing, otherworldly whine. “No...no, no, no, no, no! Get the scope back on, stat! I need a visual on that adenoma! Damn it, this thing is multiplying faster than any tumor I’ve ever seen, and if it turns malignant, then it’s game over. Not just for the patient, do you understand? For you, me, and every living, breathing organism in this city.” At press time, reports confirmed Weiss had slammed an emergency button on the side of the examination table, grabbed a flamethrower from a nearby locker, and instructed his team to “Run. Run for your lives.”