NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Struggling to hide his excitement about his good fortune, documentary filmmaker Cameron McCrae had reportedly struck gold Monday by interviewing a huge fucking weirdo. “Jackpot! Not only does this guy look strange, but he just talks in this way that’s completely odd yet totally memorable,” said McCrae, adding that his last-minute interview of the peculiarly voiced, bizarrely attired behavioral scientist for his documentary about an unsolved murder was the best goddamn artistic decision he ever made. “Sure, he doesn’t really have anything to do with the subject of my film, but if you’ve got this much of a total freak saying all this weird shit on camera, this is catnip for my audience. He’s instantly magnetic—you just want to know, like, what the hell is going on with this guy? How did I not know that this total nutcase was just wandering around out there? His off-putting home decor, the inexplicable shit on his bookshelves, his freaky mannerisms—it’s perfect. I’m making him the Netflix thumbnail for sure. People won’t be able to resist clicking on my documentary to find out what the hell’s up with this guy.” McCrae added that he couldn’t believe his goddamn luck after learning that the huge fucking weirdo had a twin who wanted to be interviewed too.