Documents The National Archives Claims Trump Has Still Not Returned

Documents The National Archives Claims Trump Has Still Not Returned

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After numerous requests for the records and an FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago, the Justice Department believes Donald Trump still has documents that belong in the National Archives. The Onion gives a rundown of exactly which ones the former president has yet to return.

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2 / 20

Map Of The United States

Map Of The United States

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Gives the currently undisclosed locations of every state and major city in the country, the leaking of which could prove catastrophic if the information fell into the wrong hands.

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3 / 20

Presidential Onboarding Paperwork

Presidential Onboarding Paperwork

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It turns out Trump never completed the proper forms from HR to legally become president.

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4 / 20

GE JES1072SHSS Microwave Instruction Manual

GE JES1072SHSS Microwave Instruction Manual

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Trump believed these were heavily guarded state secrets, but in fact they were just instructions for how to use a microwave.

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5 / 20

White House Taco Dip Recipe

White House Taco Dip Recipe

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There is only one copy, and it’s handwritten, making it even more vulnerable.

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6 / 20

Letter Trump Wrote To Himself On The First Day Of His Presidency

Letter Trump Wrote To Himself On The First Day Of His Presidency

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This was supposed to be opened in 10 years so he could see how much he’d grown up.

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7 / 20

Printout Of Hamburger Meat

Printout Of Hamburger Meat

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Who knows why the fuck Trump did this, but it belongs to the American public.

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8 / 20

Blueprints For Something Called ‘Space World’

Blueprints For Something Called ‘Space World’

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There are actually some cool ideas in there.

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9 / 20

Farrah Fawcett Poster

Farrah Fawcett Poster

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The iconic poster that’s hung on the back of the Oval Office door since the Carter years has been missing and is probably in Trump’s possession.

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Nails

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The federal government can’t finish renovating a number of offices without those nails.

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11 / 20

Ceremonial ‘Yeah, I’m The President’ T-Shirt

Ceremonial ‘Yeah, I’m The President’ T-Shirt

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Presidents from George Washington onward have enjoyed the use of a presidential T-shirt that reads “Yeah, I’m the president” on the front and “Deal with it” on the back.

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12 / 20

Box Of Folders Labeled ‘Treason Stuff’

Box Of Folders Labeled ‘Treason Stuff’

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In retrospect, it was a mistake for Trump to submit this to the National Archives in the first place.

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13 / 20

The ‘About Me’ Homework Assignment Every President Takes Home The First Day Of Being President

The ‘About Me’ Homework Assignment Every President Takes Home The First Day Of Being President

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They know the dog didn’t eat his homework since he doesn’t have one, so they assume the document has been flushed down the toilet.

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14 / 20

$4 Belonging To The Treasury Department

$4 Belonging To The Treasury Department

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Has added at least $4 to the federal deficit.

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15 / 20

Ivanka’s Conversion Papers

Ivanka’s Conversion Papers

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It’s unclear why the National Archives wanted these, but Trump insisted on keeping them just in case someone accused him of hating the Jews.

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The Platt Amendment

The Platt Amendment

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Trump, like any American, wanted to familiarize himself with U.S. foreign policy interests in the wake of the Spanish-American War.

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17 / 20

‘How To Hang Mike Pence’ Instructions

‘How To Hang Mike Pence’ Instructions

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Apparently, Trump is still holding on to the in-depth, illustrated guide on hanging Mike Pence just in case the former vice president crosses him again.

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18 / 20

Parking Stub

Parking Stub

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If the former president thinks the White House valet will return his car without a ticket, he’d better think again.

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19 / 20

Trump’s Kenyan Birth Certificate

Trump’s Kenyan Birth Certificate

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Obama could never get his hands on this.

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