Dole Reveals One Cantaloupe Out There Contains $10 Million Check

Illustration for article titled Dole Reveals One Cantaloupe Out There Contains $10 Million Check

WESTLAKE VILLAGE, CA—Promising one lucky melon fan the chance to change their life forever, Dole revealed Wednesday that one cantaloupe currently for sale in the continental United States contains a check for $10 million. “What’s the only thing better than the sweet, delicious taste of a Dole cantaloupe? One that’s worth 10 million smackaroos, of course!” said company spokesperson Gene Harvey, adding that, as of last night, Dole had slipped the money inside a single “golden cantaloupe,” placed it onto a heavily armored delivery truck, and sent it to a supermarket with a still-unknown location. “Just below that glistening, orange flesh lies not only vitamins and minerals, but also a ticket to brand-new life. And don’t worry—if you’re not the grand prize winner, there are still plenty of other surprises hidden within our fruits, including several $50 checks or a coupon for a free Dole cantaloupe!” At press time, ravenous mobs of shoppers had reportedly stormed several supermarkets, sprinted straight to the produce section, and begun smashing open random melons in the aisles.