Between bad tips, drunk customers, and the guilt that comes with slowly poisoning everyone they serve, bartenders don’t need more to worry about. If you’re out at a bar, only order these drinks if you want to be hated forever.
Red Bull And Vodka
You may think you’re doing them a solid, but this simple drink makes a mockery of the two-day intensive your bartender took to get their job.
After being on their feet all day, the last thing any bartender wants to do is stomp on grapes in the basement and then barrel the juices for fermentation.
Bartenders are human beings, and they too will gag at the thought of adding milk to an alcoholic drink just like anybody else.
Basic to prepare except for the parasol-miniaturization process, which is dangerous and unstable and requires the energy equivalent of five hydrogen bombs.
Jesus Christ, it’s only 9:30 in the morning.
Even if this drink is legal in your state, bartenders don’t want to have to de-spine a live sea urchin every time you want another round.
Long Island Iced Tea
Each one of these ultra-potent drinks means calling an ambulance for someone who passed out and cracked their skull after throwing up in the side pocket of a pool table.
Additional training and certifications are often required to summon the demon necessary to create this classic brunch drink.
No one ever became a bartender because they liked shaking.
It’s just all the way at the back of the shelf, kind of a pain in the ass, you know?
If you’re going to assassinate a foreign dignitary, have the guts to poison the drink yourself rather than trying to get the bartender in your felony.
It’s impossible for your bartender to explain that the slushy machine is broken without mentioning the rat family living it.
When the bar is bustling, they don’t have time to breastfeed you.
Impossible to get the straw through the hole.
It’s hard enough to make a martini without having to cook the rim fillet a perfect medium rare.
Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino
There’s nothing worse than when it’s a busy day and they have to crush ice, make cookies, and clean the frappuccino machine afterwards.
Vodka-Filled Cow Carcass
Maybe no one’s asked for it yet, but that doesn’t mean bartenders don’t live in fear of that terrible day.
A Drink Thrown In Their Face
Come on, it was just a joke! Don’t be such a hardass.