MIAMI—Saying the brief delight wore off as quickly as it had started, visibly drunk local man Max Soylu, 25, told reporters Friday that wearing a lampshade on one’s head is less fun when alone. “You know, this feels a lot different when there’s no one pointing at me and laughing,” said Soylu, observing that the energy he feels at a party when he gets wasted, strips off his clothes, and throws a pleated lampshade on his head for the entertainment of others was notably absent when he was sitting in his living room by himself. “I thought swinging from the chandelier for a bit while playing ‘Wooly Bully’ at top volume would help, but despite this thing looking hilarious on my head, the vibe was seriously lacking. If chugging a beer while doing a funny dance in front of the mirror doesn’t do the trick, I’m giving up.” At press time, Soylu told reporters that, surprisingly, waking up completely naked in a pool of his own vomit after getting plastered and destroying his apartment felt exactly the same when alone.
