CHICOPEE, MA—Silently chanting the refrain in their heads as they stared dead-eyed at half-eaten platters, every customer in a local Buffalo Wild Wings was reportedly only thinking “Eat the flesh, suck the bones, suck the flesh, eat the bones,” sources confirmed Wednesday. “The flesh gives strength, the bones give nourishment,” reported a voice deep within the psyche of Peter Williamson, 43, and every other customer in the establishment, whose eyes rolled back as the monotonous incantation commanded them to find more Mango Habanero–, Asian Zing–, or Desert Heat–glazed chicken meat in the pile of discarded bones. “Lick the skin, grind the bones. Chew and suck, suck and chew. Munch munch munch munch. Feel the meat coursing through the veins. Bones bones bones bones bones bones bones bones bones.” At press time, the synchronized, meat-based dirge reportedly commanded every customer to just ignore the celery.
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