‘Elden Ring’: The Official OGN Guide (And How We Beat The Game In Under 30 Minutes)

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Elden Ring has sold over 12 million copies in the month since its release, providing gamers with hours upon hours of what passes for enjoyment these days. Gameplay can be tricky, but it’s ultimately rewarding if you follow OGN’s tips and tricks.

Q: What kind of character should I start with?
A: That depends on your personal preferences, but it’s hard to go wrong with the Human Machine Gun.


Q: Is Elden Ring a good fit for new gamers?
A: How’d you even get access to this article, you fucking casual?

Q: How do I learn what I can craft?
A: To understand even the first thing about the resource crafting system, you’ll need to watch at least 100 hours of someone else streaming Elden Ring.


Q: How do I heal? 
A: Send your character to therapy.

Q: What can I use Torrent for?
A: Your Spirit Steed, Torrent, can move fast, take hits for you, and be sliced open and climbed inside to survive the cold overnight.


Q: How do I jump?
A: Oh God, you’re in trouble.

Q: Which stat is most important? 
A: Masochism.

Q: Should I try to collect enough Sacred Tears and Golden Seeds to replenish the charges of my Holy Flask, or take the risk and hope for a Crimson Crystal Tear, even though it might actually turn out to be a Blood Ruby, which inverts the health benefits? 
A: Jesus, take a breath.


Q: How did you manage to beat the game in 29 minutes, 12 seconds? 
A: It’s a video game. They’re just not that hard.