POMPANO BEACH, FL—Moments after successfully sending her first text message from her new smartphone Tuesday, 75-year-old Eleanor Brodeson is said to have felt immense relief at the knowledge she had surmounted the final technological advancement of her lifetime. “Oh, there, I think I’ve got it,” said Brodeson, who, after investing considerable time and mental energy learning how to use a new cable remote, multiple touchscreen devices, her car’s keyless ignition system, and various versions of Windows over the past decade, reportedly felt a deep serenity and contentment at realizing she could coast through the rest of her days without having to absorb any new technological skills or master any more gadgets. “I just press ‘send’ and then I’m finished, right? That’s it? Wonderful.” At press time, Brodeson was locked out of her phone.

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