LOS ANGELES—Claiming his penis had obviously been coerced into exposing itself to a flight attendant in 2016, Elon Musk reportedly accused his genitals Friday of being a far-left actor with an axe to grind. “For the record, these accusations against me are wildly untrue, and were carried out by my genitals in a coordinated and dirty campaign orchestrated by the Democrats and the radicalized left,” said Musk, who added that he would never do something like that, and that his penis was clearly attempting to discredit him after years of highly publicized tension between the two. “Sadly, my shaft and balls used to be genitals of love, but thanks to socialist propaganda spread by antifa, they’ve become weapons of hate. Of course, while I move to the right, my penis has chosen to move dangerously to the left. Disgusting.” At press time, Musk vowed to vote Republican and to continue fighting for free speech no matter how many more times Democrat operatives paid his penis to expose itself to workers.
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