AUSTIN, TX—Telling reporters the procedure could be available to the general public by the end of 2023, Elon Musk announced plans Monday to implant a Tesla inside a human brain in the next six months. “I am proud to share today just how much closer we are to the next step in the evolution of our species: having a self-driving electric car in the head of every person walking down the street,” the Tesla CEO and Neuralink owner said upon receiving approval from the FDA and Transportation Department to conduct clinical trials in which a motor vehicle would be placed in the motor cortex of human test subjects. “Once we have driving functionality right there in our minds—thanks to the insertion of a barely perceptible, two-ton Tesla Model 3—we will be capable of superhuman neuroautomotive feats. The best part is that the implant is fully automated, meaning you can just sit back and let Tesla’s proprietary AI control your limbs, your words, and even your thoughts.” Later, upon revealing he already had a Tesla implanted in his own brain, Musk flashed his high beams through his eyes, emitted a loud honk from his mouth, and tugged on his ears to signal left and right turns.
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