Illustration for article titled Elon Musk Debuts New Self-Parenting Child

PALO ALTO, CA—Proudly showing off his latest innovation, Tesla CEO Elon Musk debuted an all-new self-parenting child Wednesday. “This is the most intuitive baby we’ve ever seen—it’s completely hands off,” said Musk, who explained how the breakthrough was motivated by his desire for a baby he would never need to think about. “We’re talking maximum baby for minimal effort. With this kid, you just set it and forget it. Simply sit back, relax, and watch some Mandalorian. You never have to worry about child rearing. Some people will try to tell you it’s dangerous not to parent your child, but this thing is wired with state-of-the-art algorithms that make any safety concerns irrelevant.” At press time, Musk had retracted his statements after the baby had unexpectedly exploded.

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